Dedicated to a Friend.

“So where do you want to sit?” I recall my Headmistress asking me at the ripe old age of five. Being the late comer at a new school, the seating arrangements were very limited.

“Beside her” I whispered as I pointed to the girl wearing a very odd headpiece. It was either this girl of the boy picking his nose and eating it. This would be my seat for the rest of primary one, sitting next to the girl who was wearing a bright purple hairband which had long springs with purple glitter pom-poms resting on top. It danced about whenever she moved her head.

That was 16 years ago. I’m 21 years old now and that crazy child with the purple pom-pom hairband just happens to be my best friend. Now this is not one of those, we’ve been best friends forever stories because we haven’t been. Thought primary school and high school  I had my own little friendship group as did she. However, we still spoke every day. Whether that’d be on the playground; in the cafeteria; on our visits to the high school; when we became neighbours; standing waiting on the school bus every morning; in English class; whilst rehearsing lines for Drama; at parties; on nights out and just in general.

We weren’t best friends but we were very close. We told each other a lot. We spoke about our insecurities, our experiences, our feelings. She is the type of girl you can tell anything to. She’s trustworthy. I told her about some people at school sniggering behind my back and calling me names. I always wanted her advice. She’s great at giving it!

However, I knew she had it hard as well. I had seen her get bullied in more ways than one. Girls at school didn’t like her much, they always spoke negatively about her. Perhaps they are jealous, I thought. She is a beautiful girl with an amazing figure; she is very talented; she is very smart; she has cool friends because of her older brother and is generally a lovely person. Sometimes I wish I was her.

High school eventually finished and I moved house. I thought of my friend from time to time but I hadn’t seen or spoke to her in a while. Years even. I wondered how her life was and how she was getting on. She doesn’t post on social media much. She no longer has gigs. I don’t see her when I’m out. 

A few days past and I met her mother at my local shop. A lovely lady, genuine and unique. Always up for a gab, always happy and always a friendly face. She didn’t seem happy though, didn’t have her usual friendly face. She tried her best to talk to me but something was up. She told me her daughter wasn’t feeling quite herself and it would be nice if she heard from me. Cue me going home and instantly mailing her.

I was on my way to the gym and invited her along. Told her I bumped into her mum and whatnot. She declined but reassured me that she would tag along next time. She did.

Months went by and we became inseparable. Joined at the hip. Best friends forever if you wish. However she wasn’t the same. She wasn’t that girl from school who sang in every talent show, danced at every disco, acted her heart out on stage...she was self conscious; anxious; always looking over her shoulder but I shrugged it off. She’ll talk when she’s ready.

It was a normal day at the gym, we were doing our routine but she seemed distracted. She kept stopping and going to the toilet and skipping reps. I followed her down to the changing room half way through a set. She was so upset. She told me about how she had depression and anxiety. How she had to leave work because woman in their 30’s were bullying her, how even though we left high school, those girls who spoke negatively about her still aimed statuses about her on social media, how she had given up acting and singing because she was ugly and fat. She was seeing specialists and doctors to help her and taking medication because it was too much.

This shocked me. I couldn’t believe that my perfect best friend felt like this. I tried my best to help, kept her occupied and her mind off things. We trained together, shopped together, ate together, tanned together, everything! I did it all to make her happy again.

It was working, she was happy. Well as happy as she would let herself be. I was so proud of her. I still am. She worked through the hardest parts of her life and came out on top. It was a struggle. I had seen her cry. I had seen her breakdown. I had seen my best friend broken. It was a hard time for us both. But now, after a little time away from reality she was nervously applying for college; working part time; starting a blog; finding her new self.

Life was looking up for my best friend. She gained a huge following online. Created her own form of communication with her pen-pals online. Was aceing her college course and even thinking of university. But again things took a turn as they do with depression and anxiety.

Girls in her course were bullying her, people in her part time job were making fun of her, she stopped going to the gym and slowed down with her online presence. Back to square one.

My friend has never really came up from this low. She has done plenty of amazing things since this but I know she doesn’t see it. She puts herself down at every moment. I just wish she knew how amazing she really is and just knew to the extend what she has done for not only herself but for me and loads of other people.

Whilst battling with depression, anxiety, haters and trolls, bullies and sometimes even her own family and friends she has completed the following:

•A HNC

•Got into university and is currently passing every one of her assessments.

•Created an online twitter chat called BeeChat.

•Created her own website.

•Was a finalist in Miss Glasgow.

•Has created SnailMail, a letter service for pen-pals.

•Wrote, published and sold multiple copies of her book ‘Melancholy Mind’.

•Is a lifestyle editor for the Strathclyde Telegraph.

•Writes multiple logs weekly.

•Has featured in many newspaper articles.

•Has appeared on the radio.

•Helped many people face their own struggles by offering a helping hand.

Now to this day, people still try and put my best friend down but I don’t want her to listen to those people. I just want her to hear this message from me.

“Dear best friend, I don’t have to mention your name in this post for people to realise who I am talking about. Everyone already knows the amazing, talented, gorgeous woman you are. I am so proud of you and all you have achieved. Just look at that list above and that is just a handful of things. You have overcame so much in the past few years. You are so strong and independent. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes because only then will you be able to see what I have always known is true.

I love you so much. Keep doing what you are doing.

Kind Regards,

That girl you sat next to in Primary One”